You don't know how it feels
by SelenesLegacy
Summary: Songfic to "Unloved" by Espen Lind. Scabior stands outside the Weasley's house one night, and relives memories. M for suicide.


**You don't know how it feels**

**By: SelenesLegacy**

_I own neither song nor the characters_

(SCABIOR)

I stood in the dark, watching the house from a distance. She'd looked through the window several times, perhaps because of the dark. I knew she couldn't see me. She never would.

_I bet you don't know how it feels_

_To be walking past your house at night_

_I bet you don't know how it feels_

_To stand outside and watch the lights_

Hermione Jean Weasley was her name now. She'd gotten married to the ginger twat almost immediately after the war ended. They had kids now. Kids I knew I should have been the father of. Fuck, it hurt.

_And I don't know why_

_I just can't seem to dry_

_The rain on my face_

_All the tears I've cried_

My eyes burned as I saw her being hugged by her husband…and kissed. Tears fell freely as I sat down, clutching my wand and struggling not to make a sound. The little piece of my heart which had been left unharmed was now in pieces and flakes. Why couldn't she see that I hadn't done it willingly? How many times hadn't I cried over the fact that I couldn't stop myself?

_I think of the day _

_When you pushed me away_

_What can I do when I still love you?_

"SCABIOR, NOOO!" Her desperate scream rang in my ears as I pointed my wand at the ginger and whispered: "Crucio." He screamed his guts out, and Hermione along with him. "STOP IT!" I wanted to, so dearly, but Bellatrix's voice commanded me to proceed. _"Continue." _I heard her in my head, "_Or it will be the mudblood at your feet." _

"Hermione, I'm sorry!" I tried to reason with her, "I was under the imperius, I had no control; I-" She hit my chest, the mere gesture stopped me. "Am I really supposed to believe that? You tortured my best friend!" I tried to take her arm, but she moved away. "I don't want to see you ever again."

_What can I do?_

_Where can I hide_

_From all of these feelings I keep inside?_

_It's as dark as can be_

_And you'll never see_

_Just what it's like to feel…_

_What it's like to feel unloved_

After she'd left me, everything became a haze of grief and anger. My men didn't want to be near me, I'd explode for the tiniest thing. Everywhere I looked, I saw traces of her existence. The ruffled blanket on the bed, the hole in the ground where she'd been practising spells…

What was the reason for me to be around anymore? The only person who'd ever loved me was gone, thanks to my own stupidity.

_I bet you don't know how it feels_

_When your life flashes before your eyes_

_I bet you don't know how it feels_

_The moment when you realize_

_That you lost all you had_

_All that's good-all that's bad_

_And everyone tells you, you should be glad_

_Your love for me is gone_

_I should be moving on_

_And find someone new- but I still love you_

"Boss, she's here." Clarke peered through the opening on my tent. "Send her in." I waited only a few seconds before a petite figure threw her arms around me. "Merlin, how I've missed you!" Hermione's voice made my skin tingle with excitement, and I kissed her deeply.

_What can I do?_

_Where can I hide_

_From all of these feelings I keep inside?_

_It's as dark as can be_

_And you'll never see_

_Just what it's like to feel…_

_What it's like to feel unloved_

Rain started to pour, and I was soaked in minutes as I continued to stare through the Weasley's living room window. Hermione took her son's hand and led him to the table. She looked so happy, so satisfied with life. Oh, how I wanted to be there with her! It should have been me sitting next to her, not the ginger!

_If I could turn back time_

_If I could press rewind_

_Go back to the days when you were mine_

I wanted to tell her I was sorry for what I did. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, and always would. I wanted to take her into my arms and keep her with me forever, but how could I want such a thing for her? She was better off without me.

_What can I do?_

_Where can I hide_

_From all of these feelings I keep inside?_

_It's as dark as can be_

_And you'll never see_

_Just what it's like to feel…_

_What it's like to feel unloved._

I pointed my wand at myself and whispered the words softly: "Avada Kedavra." The green light hit me, and I looked at her one last time.

_This is what it's like to feel unloved._

**D8 HERMIONE, Y U NO LOVE SCABIOR? Inspiration from "Unloved" By Espen Lind.**


End file.
